This blog is for people who tone down the vibrancy of their personality because they are anxious about the implications it will have on their relationships. They feel a pull to take care of everyone else and present a version of them to the world that they think people will like. They avoid conflict, don’t speak honestly and feel unfulfilled in their relationships.
Why People Dilute Their Personality.
Wanting To Be Liked.
When a goal of relationships is to be liked by others you present a version of yourself that you believe the other person wants to see. The parts of your personality that you worry are less appealing become quietened and not expressed to others. This dulls your vibrancy so that you fit in and don’t stand out.
Disconnected From Their Authentic Self
Some people spend so much of their lives trying to fit in and be liked that they lose touch with who they truly are. They agree with other people so quickly that they don’t even have time to form their own opinion. They go along with the crowd and don’t pause to think about the direction they are heading and whether it is where they want to go. When this becomes habit people start to feel disconnected from their self and they struggle to truly know who they are.
Not Wanting To Be Seen
When authentic relationships feel like hard work it might seem appealing to slink into the background and avoid being seen. You don’t raise your voice, express an opinion or disagree with anyone because that puts the spotlight on you. It is safer to be invisible than to risk any problems within relationships.
A degree of conflict is healthy in most relationships. It can emerge when your needs or desires contradict those of another person. Conflict can include disagreeing with someone, establishing boundaries in a relationships or saying no. Some people struggle with conflict because they expect minor and normal conflicts to escalate into major conflict that are no longer helpful.
How People Dilute Their Personality.
Agree With Everybody (Even When You Disagree)
When you are trying to fit in with others you may find yourself agreeing with everything people say or do regardless of whether it is your true opinion. You don’t want to rock the boat or cause conflict so it feels safer to go along with others. This leaves you cutting off parts of your personality so that you can fit in.
Try To Avoid Being Noticed
Many people experience some form of anxiety in social situations and experience a pressure to fit in. To cope with this they purposefully quieten their voice and tone down their personality so that they remain in the background. They don’t disagree, they are careful with what they share about themselves and stick to the status quo.
Don’t Maintain Boundaries With Others
People can become overly accommodating of others and no longer maintain boundaries that are healthy for themselves. The goal of this may be wanting to be be liked and valued as well as making people happy. The downside is that people find themselves in a role where they are constantly at the service of others and no longer taking care of themselves.
What Does The Expanded Version Of You Look Like?
When you live your life as the diluted version, getting in touch the full and expanded expression of your personality may feel difficult. What would each of these areas look like if you were showing up wholly in your life?
When you can fully show up with others the connection can deepen. You no longer have to hide your vulnerability. You can establish healthy boundaries so that time spent together is enriched because you don’t have to act out of obligation.
How you present yourself to the world may change as you allow your personality to expand to its real size. You can wear the clothes you want to wear rather than follow arbitrary rules set by society. You cut your hair into the style that you want rather than being dictated by trends and fashion. You also down have to shrink into the background and feel like you can let yourself be seen.
Every day is an opportunity learn more about your preferences, vulnerabilities and joy. You don’t feel afraid of your emotions. Instead you’re able to be guided by your emotions and learn from them. As you become more self-aware you will be able to express yourself to others and act in a genuine way.
A Side Note For The Introverts.
Some people are naturally quieter and more passive in their relationships. I want to highlight this because this is not problematic in itself. This blog is written for the people who are holding back and struggling to spontaneously express themselves and act authentically in relationships.
If you feel like you have been diluting your personality and instead want to embrace it and allow it to expand then therapy may be able to help. Call or send me an email to arrange an appointment.